[March 22] Email from England to Spain

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Peace Treaty

Spain,

It's been several days, and you still have not emailed me regarding our peace treaty. Like I said before, this is very important, so I thought that I would start up communication to get the ball rolling. I consulted one of my textbooks on that foreign relations class we took last year, and a peace treaty should contain the following elements:

• Formal designation of borders.
  
• Processes for resolving future disputes
  
• Access to and apportioning of resources
  
• Status of refugees
  
• Settling of existing debts
  
• Defining of proscribed behavior
  
• The re-application of existing treaties
  

I propose that we draw a line down the center of the room, and designate that as our border. That seems fair, doesn't it? I think that we should definitely discuss the processes for resolving future disputes, as the defenestration of our belongings is obviously not the best way to go about things. I don't think that the apportioning of resources or the status of refugees applies in this instance, but if you have something to say on the matter, I'd like to hear it. The existing debts we have are one electric tea kettle. And I don't think I permanently damaged anything belonging to you, but if I did, please let me know and we can get that taken care of as well. The definition of proscribed behavior is something that we should discuss as well. This would include rules about touching one another's belongings, what we should do about having guests in the room, study conditions, bedtimes, and other things of that nature. And then I suppose the re-application of existing treaties would be just reinforcing the haphazard treaty that America had us sign.

I would be interested in hearing if you have any other elements to add, and what you think of the subject's I've brought up. So please read through and respond as soon as you can.

Thank you,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Peace Treaty

England,

lol that was a really long email. How did you get my email address? I have a few suggestions!

-I like the line down the middle of the room but we're going to put the refrigerator and the microwave on my side of the room. Speaking of the microwave, PLEASE don't cook anything in it! Use someone else's or the one in the lounge!
-4:00 is siesta time every day. I also go to bed around 10 and don't have class until 11 so be quiet during those times, por favor! :D
-I don't like the poster/flag you hung over your bed.
-No guests!

:O)

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo
Reino de España

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Spain,

It wasn't that long. You just have a very short attention span. And you completely ignored half of the points I addressed. I suppose I'll have to just write up a preliminary copy of the treaty and you'll just have to let me know what you think of it.

The fridge and microwave will be neutral territory. This I insist upon. We should put them in some kind of centralized location. And I have as much of a right to use the microwave as you do.

You sleep for over eleven hours every day? Are you sure that there's not something wrong with you? You should probably go see the nurse, as I suspect that you may have mononucleosis.

The flag stays.

I am fine with the no guests rule, as long as you also comply with it. No guests means no guests at all. For either of us.

Thank you,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Dearest England,

I didn't ignore anything. Don't write anything down that I don't agree on. I also forgot to mention that my favorite show is on at 8:00pm and I like to tape it! Don't change the channel!

The fridge and microwave either have to go on my side or your side. If it's on my side, it takes up room. I've never had the food you've cooked before but it hasn't been recommended to me!

Mononucleosis? A sleeping disease?

Oh, I was going to have guests! Hahahaha!

Best wishes,
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo
Reino de España

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Dearest Spain,

Whatever you say. I will write whatever I think is best, and you can object to my points if you like. It will take me a little while to complete it though, as I do have other homework.

Then you can put them on your side, but with a stipulation that I may cross your borders to gain access. You aren't obligated to eat any food I make, but I reserve the right to make it in the comfort of my own room. We will both adhere to the same rules, we can't have rules that one of us has to comply with but not the other. I won't agree to that.

Excessive fatigue is one of the symptoms, yes.

If you are going to have guests, then I will reserve the right to have them as well.

Yours truly,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Buenisimo Kingdom of England,

You like to reserve rights, don't you? :O)

Love,
Sr. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo esq.
Reino de España y tu mamá también

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Most Exalted Kingdom of Spain,

...oh shut up. I didn't mean to use that phrase twice in the same email. But the point remains.

XOXO,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Oh Gloriously Douchebaggy Kingdom of England,

Will you come with me to the dance?

Con amor,
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo
Reino de España y tu mamá también

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Annoying Git Kingdom of Spain,

No.

Kill Yourself Please,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Oh Gloriously Douchebaggy Kingdom of England, King of Rejection,

And here I thought we were trying to get along. :O(

Sin amor,
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo
Reino de España y tu mamá también

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Most Bipolar and Narcoleptic Kingdom of Spain,

I'm not going to the dance, and I really can't imagine any reason why you would actually want me to go with you.

I'm sorry, that was slightly out of line,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Sir Arthur of the Brow,

Jajajajaja! Lol! No. :D

Oh, btw. Speaking of guests, one of my friends is going to be staying for a couple of nights. You might know him! He sometimes goes by the name of France.

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo
Reino de España

[Arthur Kirkland]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Sir Antonio Wanksalot,

I didn't think so.

No. Francis is not to come anywhere near our room at any time, for any reason. That's going into the treaty.

Bugger off,

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo]

from: [e-mail]
to: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Sir Don Gato,

lol

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo
Reino de España

[Arthur Kirkland]

to: [e-mail]
from: [e-mail]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Peace Treaty

Reino de España,

I'm serious. I don't want him here.

And I'm done with this ridiculous email. I'll write up the treaty and send it to you when it's done.

Arthur Kirkland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland